The morning ripple rolled onto the golden blanket that surrounded the waters edge, as a giant yellow sphere exposed its self from behind the mist. Flags were put up as figures emerged with surfboards under their arms, all were eggar to get the best of the morning surf. As more and more entered the clear water more and more creatures disappeared. Yellow rays filled the salty air while patterned umbrellas were perched into the shining sand with families packed underneath them.
A large range of vibrant towels and umbrellas filled up the golden sand so it could hardly be seen. Children appeared with ecstatic eyes fixed on their newest treat while parents begged for some peace and quiet. A gush of the sea salt filled air rushed past with sun rays soaking into everyones tomato toned skin as they applied another layer of sun screen. The warm golden sand ran between my toes with the gentle breeze as shiny sea shells glistened in the summer sun. Scents off fresh sea food traveled down from the sun filled surf club with crowds quickly emerging for a taste.
Infants Ice cream dripped onto the burning pavement like a storm of rain as they rapidly tried to save the treat. Their smiles slowly turned into frowns while the salty air was filled with desperate sea gulls as toddlers sent bread crumbs flying through the air. They seized the snack frolicking around like a lost child while parents snatched the left overs out of their hands with a nasty looks.
Surfers emerged from beneath the stormy ocean with strings of green plastered all over their body. Children begged for just one more sand castle as their parents snatched the prized tools out of their reach. The sound of a ruffling voice traveled from the bouncing speakers as the crowd listened closely, pouts quickly appearing on their faces due to the saddening news.
As the breeze picked up the bright aqua coloured liquid started to empty and the buzzing swarm of tourists made their way onto the streets rushing to grab a seat for dinner. Families strolled down the streets taking in the surroundings, fairy lights hung from trees and sparkled under the dimly lit street lights. Darkness surrounded the streets like seagulls desperate for food as little lights twinkled throughout it.
A circle of bright green stood in between the variety of restaurants as cars drifted around it. The assortment of greenery swaying slowly with the swarms of insects that floated past. Restaurants filled up like a cup of coffee on a Monday morning as did the cash register. Frowns quickly turned into grins after seeing the steaming dishes being whipped out from the darkness, while drinks were poured from one glass to the next. Food was devoured like sea gulls while the drooping fairy lights twinkled from beneath the trees.
As the breeze carried golden sand up into the packed streets, moonlight reflected onto the slight ripple of the waves. Mysterious shadows glided through the now evil coloured water desperate for anything before their night travels. Red, blue, orange, green and yellow colours filled the darkness of the ocean as the variety of creatures beneath were still eager for something to fill up their stomachs.
The peaceful crashing of the waves was then disturbed by the ruckus that occurred up the streets as silhouettes filled the ground of the empty pavement, insects scrambling to safety as footsteps suddenly rose into sight. As the clock was now far round its circuit, vehicles, figures and any sign of life cleared off until all that stood was trees swaying with the slight rush of waves crashing.
2 Comments
Add Yours →Hey Mikaela,
Good job on making a start with this! Keep working on building up the layers of your scene.
Have a think about:
– Developing the details past a single sentence. You want aspects of your scene to ‘interact’ with each other. Using connective phrases, prepositions and conjunctions will help you do this.
– Maintain your ‘showing’. There are moments that are fantastic and well thought out and others that don’t fit with the rest of your piece. Find that balance between figurative and literal.
– Make sure your writing is in the same tense throughout the piece. At the moment, you are switching between past and present. I encourage you to write the whole thing in the present tense, like you are describing the scene in real-time.
Mrs P
Mrs P
Hey Mikaela,
You have made good progress since I last checked in. Well done! Make sure you work hard to describe that second time frame and leave yourself enough time for editing the work.
During the last four hours, have a think about:
– Paragraphs. At the moment, all of your ideas are sequenced in one big long stretch. You must identify the moments where a new paragraph is needed.
– You are telling me a lot of the details. Look to ‘show’ your scene more. Check back over that PowerPoint on the blog to remind yourself how to do this. Ensure you are appealing to a range of senses and using language devices such as personification and metaphor.
– Try to avoid always beginning your sentence with the subject (the thing/person that the sentence is about). Vary your sentence starters so that the piece has better flow and each sentence leads into the one that follows.
Make sure you leave time to read this work out loud to yourself. Sometimes, hearing the piece helps you pick up mechanical errors better than when you read inside your head.
Mrs P